True(ly) Blood(curdling)

I am fascinated by the concept of vampires.(Especially the romanticised version spun for us by Stephenie Meyer. She is a genius!) And thus I do look out for and watch any other vampire tv show or movie or book that comes along. I thus came across this, at the time, new HBO show called ‘True Blood’.

It’s about a time wherein vampires have, the popular terminology being, ‘come out of the coffins’ and want to co-exist with humans ‘officially’ (as they have always been there in the shadows) and have rights if not equal rights. They have been able to do so because some Japanese company now manufactures a synthetic drink called ‘Tru Blood’ which is just exactly like blood. Thus, the vampires don’t have to kill humans anymore to satisfy their thirst.

Wow, I thought. Interesting concept. Lets watch the show. It’s an HBO show after all. Created by Alan Ball, of Six Feet Under fame. Ok. Play.

Pause. The pilot opens with an unnecessary scene of two extras, as I later found out, in a car where the girl wants to give the guy a hand job cause she is ‘bored’. Ok. Play. They thus almost crash, but don’t. They go in to a store and are scared by a scary-looking owner who pretends to be a vampire. Turns out the joke’s on him, when another customer, who actually is a vampire, does not like his representation of vampires.

So far, so ok. Cut to the protagonist now. Anna Paquin (with blonde hair! Eww!) is Sookie Stackhouse, who works at some bar as a waitress.(The whole of the first and second episode I couldn’t figure out her name. With the southern accents in the show coupled with such a weird name, I thought her name was ‘Sucky’. But then She is not a vampire and that's a weird name to have for a vamp or a human so I decided I heard it wrong.) She has a ‘gift’. She can read people’s thoughts when she is close to them or something. And half the time it’s always something about how hot she is, how they want to sleep with her and what they want to do to her etc (her boss included, who is in ‘Lowe’ with her). And she doesn’t like it of course. There is no explanation as to why she is able to do it. At least none that am aware of.

Then a Vampire walks in to the bar and Sucky sorry Sookie is immediately attracted towards him. 10 minutes later she even saves him from some greedy humans who want to capture the vampire and sell his blood. (In the show, vamp blood has aphrodisiacal and what-not properties). *Applaud* The vampire’s name is Bill Compton and he tells her some vampire secrets that should never be known to humans! (Haww! Maybe he felt he owed her for the rescuing.)

Spookie sorry Sookie also has a brother who is hornier than a ten-headed rhinoceros. Thus he forms the Standing stone of the foundation of all the sex scenes on which this show is Laid. (Which are LOTS and yes, the puns are intended.) And Sookie also has an irritating bitch of a best friend - ta ra ra ta ta ‘TARA’. (like you know, the hindi tv show?) She is loud, she is ugly, she is rude, she is mannerless (that’s like rude only na?) and she is a royal pain in the ass for the public in general for no rhyme or reason. The most irritating character on the show. Period.(or no period.)

By the time the episode ended, I realised what losing 50 mins of your life that will never come back, feels like… Ok no, am exaggerating. But this pilot was so crappy, I could not for the life of me understand why this show is such a hit! The story and the characters I just told you about. The dialogues and the script are extremely lame. – Bill –“who Are you?” after being ‘saved’ by Sookie, who is, contrary to public reaction, not scared of him. There is unnecessarily too much sex on the show. And it’s gross. Nothing ‘tasteful’.

I even watched the second episode to give the show another chance, but in fact that made it worse – I also can not be ‘Glamoured’ (that’s’ vamp speak for ‘hypnotise’ on the show). And I decided not to torture myself further. And take my advice, neither should you.